Original title
Burnistoun
Released
3/1/2010
Origin country
GB
Genre
Comedy
Production companies
Comedy Unit
Status
Ended
Number of seasons
3
Number of episodes
18
Burnistoun is a comedy sketch show broadcast by BBC Scotland, written by the Scottish comedians Iain Connell and Robert Florence. The show is produced by The Comedy Unit. Burnistoun is set in a fictional Scottish town/city in the greater Glasgow area. Characters include Kelly McGlade; Burnistoun's answer to Beyoncé; Paul and Walter, the disturbingly odd brothers that run an ice cream van; Jolly Boy John, who tells the things that make him "For Real" to the accompaniment of a happy hardcore soundtrack ; McGregor and Toshan, best friends Scott and Peter and the Burnistoun Butcher, a serial killer who is unhappy with the way he is being portrayed by the media. Connell and Florence have previously written sitcoms Empty and Legit and created characters for Chewin' the Fat and The Karen Dunbar Show. The third series started filming in January 2012 and began its run in August 2012. It has been confirmed on the show's Facebook page that series 3 will be its last.
Burnistoun has its own newspaper, its own radio station and even its own ice-cream van. Drop in and find out how to get a tattoo altered, what makes a good front-page headline, and why football songs are not a sexy choice for singers in girl groups.
Specially selected highlights from the sketch show set in a fictional Scottish town that's strangely familiar. Including Paul and Walter - the snippy siblings who run an ice-cream van; the Burnistoun MP who cares passionately about the Dekebone roundabout and the incredible sequence of events set about by the flinging of a two-litre bottle of ginger. Plus, if you shout loud enough, can you make a voice-activated lift go up to floor eleven.
One-off special revisiting Burnistoun. This episode mixed up the show's favourite characters with some new creations. Following characters from the first drink of the night to the last dip of pakora in the wee small hours, some of Burnistoun's best-loved characters are back including Jolly Boy John, Quality Polis McGregor and Toshan, best mates Scott and Peter plus the "Up the Road" guys. Meanwhile the selection of new sketches includes beardie hipsters Niko and Kiko, cocktail-sipping 'Exclusive Girls' and extended repercussions as a treatment for erectile dysfunction works a wee bit too well. There's a glimpse of Burnistoun's hoi polloi in high-class toilets and chippies, questionable boxing advice courtesy of the Bryce brothers and birthday party guests driving their mate, Barry, mad. Plus the Radio Burnistoun DJs keep things moving as "the best wee city on God's Green Earth" lets its hair down on a Saturday night.
A special episode of the sketch show set in a fictional Scottish town, featuring Jolly Boy John, the Quality Polis and characters old and new as they deal with the idea of gainful, and not so gainful, employment.
Burnistoun is back and ready for broadcast! This one-off special of the hit sketch show celebrates the TV Scotland has tuned in to see over the years - from the dim and distant nostalgic black and white past to top trending modern day HD favourites, all viewed through the hilariously unique Burnistoun filter. Featuring familiar faces and brand new characters. The Quality Polis – McGregor and Toshan get the cops on the box treatment while the Up the Road guys sample fine dining on a daytime lifestyle show. Also featuring send-ups of gameshows, music TV, adverts, sport, history, news, action, fantasy drama, gritty crime and extreme sports.
An impassioned battle with a voice-activated lift, the amazing career trajectory of a single-issue MP, an incredible chain of events set in motion by the tossing of a two-litre bottle of ginger, Ronnie Stokes tries on the wrong pair of shoes and ends up in hospital, and psychic Sammy Strange tries to predict everything that will happen during an interview on Radio Burnistoun.
Burnistoun's got talent in the shape of a local singing sensation with a unique vocal style, the pioneering BBC Burnistoun takes a look at what soap operas would be like if people actually went to the toilet, and the local meat provider and the town serial killer have a disagreement over who gets to call himself the Burnistoun Butcher.
The Burnistoun hitman discovers it's not easy to assemble a weapon of choice, there's an extremely awkward question about to be asked on the top deck of a Burnistoun bus, a visit to the town's first-ever cloning warehouse, and a local photographer hopes to develop a relationship with wannabe popstar Kelly McGlade.
There is frustration for one hungry Burnistoun inhabitant hell-bent on buying rolls, hopeful popstar Kelly McGlade hones her on-stage repartee, the competition for paid employment turns nasty in Burnistoun Bob-a-Job week, and the latest police drama on BBC Burnistoun features a twist that even the coppers can see coming.
Burnistoun's most persistent market researcher literally takes a lifetime to get some answers, wannabe girl band member Kelly McGlade takes her story to the Burnistoun Herald, the Burnistoun boozer is buzzing with tall tales of local gangsters, and the police demonstrate a foolproof interview technique which works purely by rearranging the furniture.
A frank exchange of views between two Burnistoun MSPs, a distinct absence of females when the best pub in Burnistoun holds a ladies' night, world-famous clothes designer Larl Kagerfeld makes imaginative use of some unlikely local accessories, and wannabe pop star Kelly McGlade is sick of sharing the limelight and fires her bandmates to go solo.
Paul and Walter have trouble dealing with a customer's order in their ice cream van, Peter and Scott try unusual exercise machines at the gym, Jolly Boy John stars in another video filmed in his bedroom, Marky and Rosso create mayhem in the cinema, and police officers McGregor and Toshan unwittingly leave incriminating marks at a crime scene.
An innocent family sing-song takes a devilish turn, a funeral director solves the problem of choosing between burial and cremation, an ambitious employee panics when the boss tells a joke that fails to amuse, and police officers McGregor and Toshan have a pepper spray battle.
Local entrepreneur Alex Ciderson demonstrates his new invention - a pie scarer, squabbling sibling ice-cream sellers Paul and Walter celebrate their dead mother's birthday with rival birthday cakes, pub singer Ronnie Dreech delivers a literally explosive set, and a young man's chat-up routines are continually foiled as he swallows a succession of insects.
Burnistoun's major toy manufacturing company tries to solve the mystery of why its latest executive toy has failed to sell, the crime-fighting Doberman Man tracks down a boy who teased him at school, paranoia sweeps the local pub and pole dancing club, and an overpriced pizza causes two friends to have a breakdown.
Doberman Man comes face-to-face with his arch-enemy, Peter and Scott try to avoid seeing the faces of rival fans celebrating at a televised football match, James Bond meets a female contact in Burnistoun, a vending machine fights back after being kicked, and Carlos Zumba explains why his dance is so popular with women.
A problem arises for Burnistoun's housing association when a resident complains about a strange presence in his house, a gullible customer at a car-boot sale pays too much for a denim jacket, a couple who met on a TV dating show seem unable to forget the experience, and ice-cream sellers Paul and Walter's efforts to sell their product on the beach in winter ends in tragedy.
A trendy coffee shop that has an original way of serving a cappuccino, the proprietor of a business specialising in wooden pallets gives us his idea of a sophisticated sales pitch in a specially made TV ad, a high street boutique delivers questionable sartorial advice to a confused punter, and one of Burnistoun's youngest inhabitants escapes punishment for being late for school thanks to an inventive note from his dad.
The local cake shop suffers a decline in sales when a rogue cake decorator is let loose, two punters are unimpressed with the clientele in their local café, the job centre has a new line in compulsory niceness, and all is not well in Burnistoun's leafy suburbs when a resident struggles to put out the correct colour of wheelie bin.
Misguided entrepreneur Alex Ciderson invents a new way of packaging beer, 'quality polis' McGregor and Toshan gatecrash a party, pals Peter and Scott find they have a different approach to shaving a certain part of their anatomy, The Kilty Club's Herry McLoudery massacres another Scots song, and Jolly Boy John displays some unusual ways with pakora.
A local priest used a direct line to God to have daft banter with the Almighty,a novel interactive mobile phone app gets tested on the streets of Burnistoun with unintended consequences for its proprietor, eating a pizza proves problematic for a Burnistoun man out on a date, and we get a world premier of the instructional DVD 'How to Punch A Guy'.
The 'quality polis' team of McGregor and Toshan attend a football match and cause the very riot they were there to prevent, pals Peter and Scott have a disagreement over what is acceptable footwear for the pub, Jolly Boy John has fun with some pet turtles in his latest home video, and two aggressive car salesmen foist a top-of-the-range motor on a reluctant passer-by.
The legend of King Arthur springs to life when a Burnistoun man pulls the magic sword Excalibur out of the pavement, two punters enjoying a lock-in at the pub find their enjoyment eerily curtailed by the arrival of the pub's ghost, and one of Burnistoun's local football teams decides to sign some good-looking foreign fans to improve the look of the terraces.
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